So you say that you and I fight everyday.... Well I guess that's not the first everyday.... Every time....always... Have been said to me. And it was always at the end of something good. Good in my eyes. Not a shared view I guess. I guess he's right, he needs to go away if he feels that way. Trapped, and unhappy.

So here I am again.... Tears streaming down my face, begging for him to not walk out that door. Asking him to stay. Just the night. So selfishly I could for one more night lay in his arms, feel his heartbeat against my head. Run my hands though his hair. Kiss his cheek, just another night. But when he looked me in the eye and without blinking and with out any doubt in his eyes he told me.... "I don't want to stay" well I guess that's all there is. I know what that means. Begging isn't going to help. And a break isn't going to make him come back. His break is going to allow him to breath, it's is going to make his life simple like he deserves. I knew that taking a 25 year old and putting him in a relationship with a woman with kids. One that takes pictures a zillion pictures. That always has a list and wants to be loved forever. Like forever and ever. But I don't think that's ever gonna happen.

My world is this. Alone, well not alone. I'll have too little men that will depend on me to raise them to be men that will indeed love a woman forever and ever. That will be my greatest achievement and my highest honor. To watch them grow. And become the men that they will become.

But I have loved truly a man. Several as as a matter of fact. Jason, Brian and Jake. Those are the ones From my adult life. Every one of them ended the same. With a look that didn't blink and didn't look away. With the words " I don't wanna stay" and them turn a drive/walk/walk out the door. Usually with a kiss that reminded me of a kiss you give when your in love. And then they were gone.

So here I am. With my youngest love. One that will grow up and leave and I'll have tears in my eyes. But happy ones. Not these. Not ones hurt as my heart is torn out and laid on the ground.