3-3-11 so pissed and I used Names, if you have hurt my feelings EVER in my life, you will be called out.

OMG, i am having such a great day, NOT.

but lets start with the good stuff...

My Room is good,
My sister whitney came in this morning.. Awesome!
My Criminal minds came via netflix today! (of which i have seen 2 of the 4)


The Doctor came in, i asked her about her exceptions, cuz if i don't know what they are.. how can i accomplish them. and i am already meeting my other docs expectations.

they are to keep my sugars in a 60 to 140 range. LOL yeah good luck with that, she wants me to eat the same amount of carbs per meal every day. and food in the same glicimic index. Yeah, NO it's not spelled right get off me!

so she wants me to eat the same shit everyday.. for 3 months, UM no. that isn't happening. expecting my sugars to stay in that tight control isn't happening either, I am A: pregnant, B: DIABETIC C: doing the best i have EVER done. you can't expect perfection... but not on this. and asking me to do something.. i am going to try and Fail miserably and then where will i be? oh right in a class that has FAILED, probably with a premie baby, that i will then feel be Cuz i FAILED> not because it was that or DIE! (and yes i am being dramatic) or most people who don't know the circumstances will think i am .. but guess what,... I COULD!!! i don't want people to feel sorry for me. I Just want to justify that Fact that i am scared to death, But NOOOOOO i am trying to be fucking Positive ALL THE TIME> something is good, lets focus on that?

your poking me again.... OK it could be worse... i could be holding a dead baby
I am not allowed to walk on my own? Ok i could let my family, and Husband down. and be holding a dead baby!
I AM NOT ALLOWED TO PICK UP MY SON... THATS OK I COULD HAVE A DEAD BABY!!!! Get the Picture~

They say he is 24 weeks, he'll live. Yeah the 30 % chance isn't good enough for me!
you want me to focus on that 30%... guess what NOT GOOD ENOUGH> talk to me in 9 weeks, then MAYBE i will have some hope.

SO lets sum up? shall we.
i have a doctor that is saying that need to do something that is never been done... at least not by me. (the diabetes thing)
I have a Doctor that says... that lower uterine segment looks REALLY bad.. that is my concern. So lets hope Conner doesn't Kick right thought it. cuz that would SUCK..

oh and here is a fun fact.. his Placenta... has inured to said Scar that could be kicked though.. so not only could he die cuz his little ballon that holds him safe could pop.. but if it breaks... I could Bleed to death. Awesome.

Im sorry, and the bright side is, (and this i will forever look at as said silver lining)... I am still pregnant.

however, i have pretty much been Ignored all day, I saw my day nurse.... 4 count um 4 times today, we didn't have a tech.. so that was my human interaction.. + my sister.. which truly was great. I love you Marco!!!

My night nurse came in at 9:00 she came on at 7:00.

I got ZERO kudos for having the same number before dinner, and 2 hours after, as well as 3 hours after. and the number was 86... in your range and everything!! i think that i should at least get a Hey thats good. But NOOOOOOOOOO none of that.

I was expecting my BFF to come in.. i texted at 6. he said he was coming in,.... at 9.. 9 comes around... now he doesn't feel good... he has a cold,... that at 6 he was over. which just equals that His Girlfriend doesn't feel good. and so sitting on the couch is nicer than coming to a crummy hospital room. (she texted me yesterday. said she wasn't coming in cuz she was ill.) I don't blame him... i would definitely pick sitting with said other half instead of a friend in a stupid hospital room. but i wouldn't LIE and say i was coming. when i really wasn't.
and i know what your thinking... maybe he was sick... well i know better, he blows me off quite a bit. sure not recently.. but it does happen. and he always has a good excuse. I dont feel good... I left my phone at home...(my birthday) i was busy.. I forgot to call you back..... i lost track of time..... i went on one of my Im inventing something secluded whatever.. it Happens.

lets just say.. i was looking forward to my trip out of my New Awesome Room. with a great window and A sit down shower. and my little TV with NO tv guide.. so i never know what is on.

but i know i am just bitching and I should Just COUNT my FUCKing blessings... RIGHT JEN!!!!!

oh thats right You NEVER use the F word... i have the worst mouth you have ever heard.. i must hang out with the GIESE boys too much!!! here is a NEWs flash,.. i Married one. and he has a really good mouth.. he uses bad language every now and then... but DEFINITELY have a worse mouth than him. all on my own.. i can own up to that... I don't need a scape goat

SO i am gonna take my Migraine Sized Headache and Thank god that i am in a second story windowed room that doesn't have window that open... and Pray that i can keep my wits about me.. long enough to let this shit pass... that should only take about how many months till i am done with this pregnancy?.... cuz it doesn't make sense to count weeks? how many months are you anyway? ( right Jessie?) maybe cuz kids develop in week form... 19 weeks no chance in Hell unless you live in Florida and that was a freak of nature.
at 22 weeks, kids have made it... 24 is viable.... if you hit a woman 24 week pregnant and killed her baby (that is right that is when it becomes a baby) you could go to jail for homicide. SO 12 more weeks??? Piece of Cake.. i have only been here 5. and i have 80 some days left. I will be home in NO TIME> (right Rachel?)

JESUS!!!!!! and yes that is ME SCREAMING at the top of my lungs.. cuz i CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!! judge me if you want i don't give a FUCK!!!!! Call me a bitch.. Tell me it is Karma... Talk behind my back about how i am Drama queen... say "oh ill come see you" and have NO intention of ever doing that...

I am a Duck, that got hit by a Truck

Ok i am done go ahead be pissed off