Hello, I am so tired of being right here! Constantly... I mean let me clarify, I love why I am here. I was born to keep my kids safe. But I wish I could be home. With my family. I miss Jason a lot!! Just stupid stuff. I won't make you sick with details. Lol
So I went to bed on 24th at 4:30ish. So I was up late.. I don't sleep like a normal human... I have to take abien to sleep, and so I wait till I am at least a little tired before taking it and going to bed.
So saturday, I have had very little sleep, my nurse a horrible lady named Lori of whom came at 8:30 in the morning and had a very, up and out-um additude. I was really annoyed. It was early, very little sleep, and my breakfast wasn't even in my room yet.
She announced that she was going to do a NST. I told her that I wasn't getting hooked up before breakfast, I am NOT a morning person. And all my normal nurses know this. I am normally treated differently. Anyway she said "well the doctors order says we have to do it before noon." I told her "look it is only 9 in the morning at this point" we have time. Yes it was bitchy. But I wasn't sorry, you can't rush me. I have a routine. Don't mess with it. It keeps me sane. Sane is important!
I eat and called her to hook me up to listen to Sir Conner, this way I can go back to sleep.
It took her 45 minutes to get to me. But whatever.
So I I doze for a while, get up about 1ish eat lunch, Doctor Richey comes in everything with Sir Conner is good. I go get my "carwash" which is what they call a shower. After my shower I get dressed, and asked to have my IV flushed.. I have an IV. They don't use it. But I have one. In case of emergancy like a low sugar or something. She comes in and I am on my phone reading facebook, and when I say pain mean it. It Hurt so bad I was crying and dude it was like a pop, burn, sting. And she acted like I was just overrating. Even stating "I'm not even touching it" well I don't care if your touching it or not, it hurts likes a mother fuxker. Anyway I am no crying cuz it hurts. I don't cry.... The stick me an average of 4 times every time they put in an IV. I don't ever cry, or whine. I just deal. No biggie.... This was a biggie. It hurt a lot!!
I am really upset, she said it flushed just fine they were not taking it out. Awesome. So I have to continue to hurt.
I was told that although I my blood sugars have always been taken by me, they are now checking them. And I am NOT thrilled. It pretty much takes the control away. Not to mention that when I feel my sugar is being funny I have to call the nurse and, here's my favorite part! Wait.
So I felt funny and my sugar needed to be checked and without thinking I checked my sugar... 28 no good!
I drank juice. Cuz that is how you fix it.
The tech came in to check my sugar, I told her, you know its gonna be low. FYI
It was 32 and then the freak out happens... The nurse who doesn't know me.
Treats me like a 32 instead Of a halee with a low sugar that is fully alert and able to drink juice. So he comes in and forces me to drink more juice.. Ok whatever. Than she says rudely that she isn't leaving and I told her that I didn't want her in here and she needed to leave. She said she wasn't leaving and then proceeded to talk to me about what little info she had about my life. I told her I didn't like her here, I didn't want to talk about my family, and if she HAD to be here fine them sit there and don't talk to me... She then continues to talk and I told her to shut the fuck up. She then waits 10 minutes and checks my sugar again. (your suppose to wait 15) and my sugar had raised some to 45. She then tells me that I have to drink another juice. Which I tell her I don't need another juice... I need time for the first two to work.. She then said I could drink it or she would push sugar through my already blown IV. I drank the juice and told her to get the fuck out.
Vicky one of my normal nurses came in and gave me a hug and said that she was sorry that Lisa or lorri or whatever her name was.... Rude and had no niceness in her. And I vented about how I didn't like being treated like a number and not a human... There is a difference between 28 and 28. Being one os still dropping.. And one that is just hanging out low. The first one I need help, sugar in my IV and a nurse to sit with me. The other one I need juice and 15 minutes and a snack. I don't want to pass out any more then they want me to. It SUCKS!!
The rest of the day was good nurse bitch left me alone... And I spent the rest of the night on the phone with my people, and whitney Also came by and it was good to see her and little miss. Shift change brought Patience who is amazing...
Mom came in later and we went on a walk. And hung out it was a good ending to a pretty crappy day.
On a another note there are people out there that think I am a negative person. That just needs to "count my blessings" and that I make blanket statements that basically blame the world.
I was more then a lot offend, I spend so much time being positive. Keeping my eye on the goal. Taking care of Conner, and no matter what happens I try to focus on the good things through out the day... Not focusing on the bad. This way I stay up. And not depressed. It is a lot of work. And I don't know why someone would say that. I don't feel sorry for myself. I am making the best of things. And doing my best keeping my head up. It is sometimes very hard to do. Sometimes the walls close in. And I can't breath. Sometime I miss my son, my husband, my family pictures on my walls at my house. I miss making Conner's room. I want to help prepare for our little man. But I guess I just need to keep on keeping on.
Anyway that is my little vent.
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